我有一条黑狗，它名叫抑郁 I had a black dog, his name was depression
by Matthew Johnstone
我有一条名叫“抑郁”的黑狗。
I had a black dog. His name was depression.
黑狗一来，我就会感到空虚，生活百无聊赖。
Whenever the black dog made an appearance, I felt empty and life seemed to slow down.
它会无缘无故突然造访，使我变得像个老人。
He could surprise me with a visit for no reason or occasion.The black dog made me look and feel older than my years.
其他人都在享受生活，而我却只能和黑狗相伴。
When the rest of the world seemed to be enjoying life, I could only see it through the black dog.
我会突然无精打采，平时让我快活的事也提不起我的精神。
Activities that usually brought me pleasure, suddenly ceased to.
它让我没有胃口。
He liked to ruin my appetite.
它让我无法集中注意力。
He chewed up my memory and ability to concentrate.
只要黑狗在旁，我就什么也不想做，哪里也不想去。
Doing anything or going anywhere with the back dog required super human strength.
在社交场合，它会夺走我残存的自信。
At social occasions, he would sniff out any confidence I had and chase it away.
我害怕人们知道真相，害怕他们会嫌弃我。
My biggest fear was being found out. I worried that people would judge me.
由于黑狗名声在外，我时刻担心会被发现，因此我极力掩盖，而言语的掩盖让人精疲力竭。
Because of the shame and stigma of the black dog. I was constantly worried that I would be found out. So I invested vast amounts of energy into covering him up. Keeping up an emotional lie is exhausting.
它使我悲伤消极，常与人唱反调。
Black dog could make me think and say negative things.
它使我喜怒无常，与人难以相处。
He could make me irritable and difficult to be around.
它夺走我的心，埋葬了温情。
He would take my love and bury my intimacy.
它喜欢在深夜闹醒我，使我心烦意乱，提醒我将要面对多么疲倦的第二天。
He loved nothing more than to wake me with highly repetitive and negative thinking. He also liked to remind me how exhausted I was going to be the next day.
生活有黑狗相伴，不只是些许的失落、感伤或郁闷，最糟的时候，根本已毫无感觉。
Having a black dog in your life isn’t so much about feeling a bit down, sad or blue… at it’s worst it’s about being devoid of feeling altogether.
随着年龄的增长，黑狗也变得越来越大，而且时刻在我身旁。我抄起家伙想赶走它，但它却反倒制服我。相较于站起身反抗，我觉得躺倒反而更容易。
As I got older the black dog got bigger and he started hanging around all the time.I’d chase him off with whatever I thought may send him running. But more often than not he’d come out on top. Going down became easier than getting up again.
我常常陷入冥思，但根本无济于事。
So I became rather good at self medication… which never really helped.
最后，我感到与世相隔，黑狗终于劫走了我的生活。
Eventually I felt totally isolated from everything and everyone.
当你失去了生活的所有乐趣，你便开始质疑生命的意义。
The black dog had finally succeeded in hijacking my life. When you lose all joy in life, you can begin to question what the point of it is.
幸好我就此打住，开始寻求帮助。这是我自救的第一步，也是我人生的一大转折点。
Thankfully this was the time that I sought professional help. This was my first step towards recovery and a major turning in my life.
我了解到，不管你是谁，黑狗都有可能不期而至，打乱你的生活。谁都有可能受到黑狗的影响。
I learned that it doesn’t matter who you are, the black dog affects millions and millions of people. It is an equal opportunity mongrel.
我得知，没有什么灵丹妙药，药物可能对一些人有效，而另一些人则需要完全不同的治疗方法。
I also learned that there was no silver bullet or magic pill. Medication can help some and others might need a different approach altogether.
我了解到，真心对待周围的人，情况就能大为改善。
I also learned that being emotionally genuine and authentic to those who are close to you, can be an absolute game changer.
更重要的是，我学会了不去畏惧黑狗，甚至还有几招新花样。
Most importantly, I learn not to be afraid of the black dog and I taught him a few tricks of my own.
当你越疲倦，黑狗就叫得越响，因此要试着静下心来。
The more tired and stressed you are the louder he barks, so it’s important to learn how to quiet your mind.
经常锻炼也是减轻抑郁的有效方法，所以抛下黑狗，去散步去跑步吧。
It’s been clinically proven that regular exercise can be as effective for treating mild to moderate depression as antidepressants. So go for a walk or a run and leave the mutt behind.
坚持写日记来记录心情的波动，卸下思想包袱，往往有利于找到解决的办法。
Keep a mood journal, getting your thoughts on paper can be cathartic and often insightful. Also keep track of the things that you have to be grateful for.
最重要的是，无论情况多么糟糕，如果你找到适合的方法，适当向人们求助，被黑狗笼罩的日子就会过去。
The most important thing to remember is that no matter how bad it gets… if you take the right steps, talk to the right people, black dog days can and will pass.
我不会说我要感谢黑狗，但它确实是个好老师，它迫使我反思生活，告诉我与其逃避，不如勇敢直面。
I wouldn’t say that I’m grateful for the black dog but he has been an incredible teacher. He forced me to re-evaluate and simplify my life. I learned that rather than running away from my problems it’s better to embrace them.
黑狗还是会伴我一生，但它不再是那只肆无忌惮的野兽，我们已经能够共处，通过知识、耐心、克制和幽默，能让最凶猛的黑狗也变得温顺。
The black dog may always be part of my life but he will never be the beast that he was. We have an understanding. I learned that through knowledge, patience, discipline and humour the worst black dog can be made to heal.
如果你遇到和我一样的困难，不要害怕求助，这并不是什么丢人的事情，错过美好生活才是人生最大的缺憾。
If you are in difficulty, never be afraid to ask for help. There is absolutely no shame in doing so. The only shame is missing out on life.
电影短片《I Had a Black Dog》
是英国导演WillHutchinson在2010年拍摄的电影短片，改编自马修·约翰斯同名书籍《I Had a BlackDog》，短片展现一名抑郁症患者的内心独白：他有一条黑狗。
